NASA has decided to push back the launch date for it’s Luncar Reconnaissance Orbiter from December to late February. They claim it’s because the February launch window gives them more launch opportunities, relieving pressure from the tighter December schedule. Instead, the Air Force’s X-37B unmanned spaceplane will hitch a ride on an Atlas rocket in December and head into space.

This is a really fun story from NASA, but is anybody fooled by this? We all know what’s REALLY going on…

The X-37B will be “lost” once in space, where in reality it will take orbit in an Earth-Moon Lagrange Point and wait. Then, the LRO will be launched in February, following its public mission of scouring the lunar surface for “possible landing places” for the scheduled 2020 return to the moon by astronauts. Again, hogwash. The LRO is actually checking to make sure the aliens who told Neil Armstrong to “go home and stay there” are gone. And just to be sure, if the LRO doesn’t spot them on the surface, it’ll shoot a impactor down to one of the lunar poles, to create a seizmic event that will bring the aliens out from underground, where they may be hiding.

This will lead to a “surprise” discovery by our government that aliens exist, after which they’ll incite a carefully strategized panic on all of Earth. The governments of Earth will see the aliens heading toward us from the moon as an act of war. The X-37B will suddenly be “found” and will be used to launch a nukes at the aliens. The aliens will destroy the X-37B in a live telecast. The governments of Earth will then play along as the aliens make themselves known on a worldwide scale, threatening to enslave / destroy all of humankind. This too is a ruse. In the end, the U.S. government will reveal that it’s been building secret underground cities, reachable by a massive network of underground tunnels created with nuclear subsilenes developed in the ’70s by Raytheon corp. They will hold a lottery to see who from the U.S. gets to live in these underground cities. Most of the winners will be scientists, artists and swimsuit models. Carrot Top will be specifically banned from participating in the lottery.

Approximately 1/10th of the U.S. population will move underground, after which, on December 21st, 2012, the aliens will destroy all technology and man-made elements on the surface of the earth, taking much of the rest of the world’s population with it. After several years, the humans living underground will emerge and find a derelict alien craft ready and waiting to take them on an automated journey into space where they will be welcomed into the galactic brotherhood.

I mean, come on, it’s so obvious!

Try harder next time, NASA!